Never use a paper towel to dry your hands. Use your hair. Sprunch that shit, gurr

1. People who walk as if they’ve got nowhere to fucking be. Time is money, people. Or, more importantly time is slipping through our fingers as we all approach the grave so pick it up— I’d rather spend my time reading a book at my gate than walking half-time behind you and your wife in your matching American flag t-shirts. This sentiment can be expanded to most areas of my life.

2. How UNBELIEVABLY long it takes people to deplane. Get your shit together— our arrival wasn’t a surprise.

3. Unhelpful information desk people. Give me a break. If you don’t have any information, what on earth are you doing with your 40 hrs/wk in an airport?

4. Change machines that accept $20s and give your change in coins. I’m not a pirate or a character in a fucking Shakespeare play. Ugh now my wallet won’t close because it’s full of 20 $1 doubloons, which I need for my glamorous bus ride home.

5. People who complain about largely ineffectual/unchangeable aspects of life